The Winner Takes it ALL...

I get like this every year before my birthday; every year that is since Yvette died. It will be 5 years in a few weeks that she got into her car (Nissan 350z) one Saturday night (on her way to my house), didn't put her seatbelt on, somehow lost control of her car and flipped it, from what the police report stated, 5 or 6 times. They say she died instantly. So, every year at about this time, I become quiet and sullen and a bunch of other things I'm sure. I guess there are times that I realize that I'm still dealing with it. I really hate when people say that time heals all wounds. Bullshit. Working through your grief and sense of loss and whatever else you're dealing with heals wounds. Merely living day by day and hoping that someday the agonizing, debilitating sense of utter loss will leave you just because you made it through the day is naive and it's cowardice. You have to face the mountain of pain and begin to chip away and climb it and get on top of it. That's the only way. That's the only way that real hope is ever returned to you.