I fear I lack the patience. The patience to see these things through. I can't even meditate without my mind wandering everywhere. Like tonight, I was sitting there, on my cushion, clearing my mind; or at least attempting to. Then the wandering began. My mind began its inevitable meandering, leading into a full fledged sprint around the world. I mean, it was headed to places I haven't even seen yet. At one point it was on the sands of Fiji, the other minute it was in a cavernous hole, in the dark, when all of a sudden an unsolicited thought, like a sneaky quiet mouse, crawled through a small opening in the corner of my mind. It then started to gnaw. It started to gnaw a hole in my quieting mind and began to drag in all sorts of other things, thoughts. There were things I needed to do around the house, there were errands I needed to run, we're out of laundry detergent, I need to take my glasses in to the optician, is there dry cleaning I need to pick up?? Then the thoughts began to get a bit more serious. What am I doing with my life? What happened to my 1,000 words a day and my daily yoga, and my morning pages, and oh, yeah, did I pay my stupid parking ticket??? Well, the point is, I got distracted. And tonight wasn't even bad. My distractions get way worse than this. I guess, in keeping with the theme of patience, I have to also be patient with myself. I have to remind myself that I'm here. I'm trying and that this will all get where it needs to be as long as I just "show up".
I have to remember to be patient with my husband, too. He's the absolute best husband I could ever ask for. If I had to write down a list of things I want in a husband, it would be him. He takes care of me like no one else could. He loves me with all of his being. But, I digress. I can be a bit impatient. Even with him, the man I adore. I'm getting better, I really am. One of my mottos has always been "I don't deal with stupid people". And as I look back now, that's such a non-compassionate stance to take on life, on people. I know it's not flattering. There is a difference between being strong and just being a bitch. I've always been on the side of strength, but there have been times (not many) when I've jumped with both feet onto the 'other' side. The point is that I'm an evolving creature, with continuous lessons to learn and grow from. I don't know anybody who's all grown. I know many who think there are, but again, I digress.
Here's to evolution.
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