My grandmother died a few days before Tres and I got married. To say it was a week full of mixed emotions, would be a vast understatement. When Yvette died I felt like my world had been pulled out from under me. When my grandmother died, I never really dealt with it in the same way. Maybe because my grandmother had lived a full life, maybe because we had more time to prepare for it...I don't really know. What I do know is that in the last few months my consciousness is being slowly filled with memories of her and I'm afraid to 'go there'. I'm afraid to feel all of the sadness that I can feel starting to creep in. I wish so many things having to do with her. I wish that I had gone to see her more often. I wish that she could've seen me marry the love of my life. I wish, I wish, I wish...
{Deseo que ella huviera sido mas feliz en su vida. Que ella huviera encontrado el amor de su vida y que en sus dias finales huviera tenido un companero que la quieria mas que el sol y la luna.}
It makes me think about living without regrets, or at least to minimize regrets, so that at the end of my life I can look back and say that I made the right decisions, that I lived it to the fullest. (Reminds me of "La Vie en Rose". At the end, 'Je Ne Regrette Rein'...amazing song, but more appropriately, Eliades Ochoa's 'Si En Un Final', a beautiful ballad of life and love)
The last 4 years have been changing the things that were holding me back from being truly happy and fulfilled. I've taken huge strides in the right direction. With Tres by my side, I feel like anything and everything is possible. Now I find myself wondering which fork in which road to follow, creatively. That's where I am at this moment. Trying to make the decision to grow and learn, and be successful and happy.
"Si en un final tuviera que escribir la historia de mi vida..."
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